Open Letter to Xerox

Dear Xerox,

I am writing you today to bring some issues to your attention. My company has been a loyal Xerox customer for quite a number of years. Not just the little machines either, I'm talking about the big boys, the heavy hitters.

In the year and a half that I have been with my company one of my duties is to maintain the equipment. In the year and a half that I have been with my company one of my twice (or thrice!) weekly rituals has been to place a service call on your machine. You can imagine the joy something like this brings, especially to any person who just can't get enough of automated phone banks and customer service representatives; I'll touch back on that in a moment.

The machine we had was nothing short of a disaster. In the past 3 weeks, I have actually lost count of how many service calls I have had to make. We've been through 5 service technicians, 1 service manager, and 2 specialists. At some point a Xerox executive was pulled into the abyss as well. Not only was I making these calls, I was making them for the same group of 3-4 trouble spots that created of spectacular paper jams throughout the machine (for fun, I will call them the Crafty Buggers from this point forward). On occasion the machine would give me a totally new problem to deal with but I believe this was just to keep me on my toes. The Crafty Buggers kept cropping up at least 2 or 3 times a day, and here is a brief list of reasons I was given at various times for this: room too hot, room too cold, room too humid, room too dry, not enough paper in the tray, door covers open, stapling finisher out of staples (one of my personal favorites), wrong brand/size/color/weight of paper (we have always used the same paper), etc.

I also experienced increasing levels of resentment and outright hostility from the service technicians. I am not sure if this was because they were upset with themselves because they could not find the root problem, or if they were being called to the same location up to 10 times a week and found that to be annoying. Either way, this doesn't scream 'we care about our customers.'

Which brings us to the customer service department. After the 100th (1,000th?) service call in a month-long run, when I gave the machine's serial number I would be placed on hold for a time not less than 45 minutes. Repeatedly. In a moment of crushing paranoia, I twisted and turned through the automated menu again, only instead of saying my serial number I said 'I don't have one.' My fear was that my calls weren't being taken because the file would open showing all the previous calls and nobody wanted to take yet another call. Whether by coincidence or not my phone call went through immediately. I asked if the callers who knew their serial numbers were directed to another phone bank, or if all the calls came to the same place. I was told they all go to the same place, so I can only assume my paranoia was justified and my calls were being left to hang until I gave up and ended the call.

While discussing my reasons for needing a service call towards the end of the entire debacle, I would be treated to some truly fantastic lectures by the call center employees detailing just how exactly all of the problems with the machine were my own fault (see above list regarding Crafty Buggers). Silly me! Had I known, I would have never had any other employees use the machine for any reason and thereby end all of the problems.

I only had to send a copy of our contract twice to get some sort of resolution, which at the time of this writing is not complete. Our contract states that when basic maintenance cannot be upheld, Xerox will replace the machine at no additional cost with an equal or better piece of equipment. I fought for a month before anyone at your company would even give half a glance at your own fine print. Finally, the heavens opened up and took pity on me and my coworkers, and the second specialist came for the third time in two days to tell me he was putting through the paperwork for our replacement. At last! No more service calls! No more unending complaints from coworkers! No more cranky service technicians every other day!

Today I was scheduled to receive my replacement machine. I left my desk to pick up some lunch, and in the hour I was gone a Xerox technician came to my company and dismantled the broken machine. He then left, and left no contact information, and so we had one dismantled machine. I called to get a delivery time for our replacement, and the company that was hired out by Xerox brought me the replacement within an hour. This was wonderful! Nobody at my company needed the machine during that time, so things were still alright. Then the delivery men left, and now I had a newer dismantled machine, and this one did not come with a matching finisher as it should have. Despair overtook me.

I attempted to reach someone at Xerox and received more attitude from customer service, and no guarantee of anyone coming to put my machine together. I called the previously mentioned executive once again pleading for help, but to no avail. Neither he nor I were able to make any progress in getting someone to come put my machine together.

I am no longer entertaining the foolish hope that this will be cleared up first thing in the morning. If it were my decision, I would gladly push all three pieces of my new machine out to the curb and burn my Xerox contract and any files pertaining to this horrific period of my life. Thanks to this stellar service and customer care, I am not only terminating my Xerox contract at the first possible opportunity, but am spreading the word among my coworkers, friends, and business contacts about these incessant, maddening problems in the hopes that they will not direct any business to Xerox in the future.

Please do not contact me with any patronizing apologies, or empty guarantees that this will never happen again. I am only sending this to inform you of my experience so that in the future another poor fool will not be dragged behind your soul-crushing business model.

Signed,
Laura

Scrabble Points: 0

It has come to my attention recently that there are a very select group of people that like to talk. At great length. About anything at all. Just talktalktalktalktalktalk despite any insistence on the listener's part that they please stop, as the listener would like to spend a productive fifteen-twenty minutes working.

However, if one is extra lucky they may find a rare person in that select group of talkers. A rare person who uses the non-word "misconstruted" in the course of a conversation.

It's the little things.

Brief

It's nice to have a job where you are appreciated, and are actually told that you are appreciated.
:)

Monday's List

1. The Walk went well - 18,000 people, and approximately $1.4 million as end-of-day totals. The final dollar amount should be done in a few weeks. I am exhausted, sore, and glad to be done with the event until next year.
2. My car was dead this morning. Thanks to the kindness of Leo I was able to attempt a jump, and when that failed, a tow of questionable legality to the Sears Repair center. Now I have a spiffy new battery and a newly-tested alternator and starter.
3. Due to having a really late start at work, I did not take a lunch break. I just discovered that the vending machine is only taking change today and I can't find anybody with quarters to trade for my dollar. Alas, Snickers, we shall not meet this day.
4. I have a copy of my book list back!!! Granted, it's from a year and a half ago, but it is still 4 1/2 pages of glorious book list. I can add the most recent additions for the most part, since I don't add to it all that often, and since I tend to buy the newest additions first, so I have a good chunk of them. But still! My book list!

**UPDATE**
I might get the book list in it's entirety back - a friend is in charge of a slew of IT newbies at her company, and they are willing to take a crack at it to see what can be saved, if anything at all. Hooray!

Distraught

There is a new gentleman who moved into the apartments above my office. I was told before move-in day that while he was able to understand what you were saying he was unable to speak in return due to a stroke. Okay, that's no problem, we'll get something figured out.

It has turned into a problem. When he tries talking to someone all they hear is 'Woo woo woo.' In his head he hears "Excuse me, can you tell me how to find the Assembly Hall?" He also does not fully realize he isn't forming words. At first, I tried the yes-or-no method, thinking that he could help guide my questions and get him where he wanted to go. This didn't work so well on the first two attempts. I also offered him some paper so he could write it down, but no go. My next plan was to make a very basic picture board with general items on it so he could point out what he was trying to talk/ask about, and we could yes-and-no from there. After making up a sheet with 20 or so pictures, I ran it across the director's desk in case he had any suggestions.

He brought it back to me and said that the speech therapy folks had offered him a picture board already, and he didn't want it. He also declined their offer of a notebook to write things out in. The next plan is a sort of phrase book with a bunch of common things in it for him to use. The director did tell me to try again with my own picture board in case the resident had gotten frustrated enough to give it a try.

I offered it this morning (framed as something that would help me, not him, to ease things a bit), and he very clearly does NOT want to use something like that. I told him that I really wanted to find a way for us to communicate because I want to be able to help him find his way around, get his questions answered, all that good stuff. After a few minutes of helpless fumbling by me he just gave up and went on his way. I'm not ashamed to admit I had to take a few minutes to go cry in the bathroom.

I don't know what else to do to help him. I can see that he is frustrated, made worse by the fact that he doesn't know anybody here yet, and everywhere he goes nobody can understand what he is trying to say. I am going to see him at least 3 times a day, and we have hit a wall with our dialogue. It's very disheartening for me.

Worky-work Busy Bee

You know what I enjoy? Having a really really productive day at work. Not in the 'Oh, I got a couple things taken care of with a lot of messing around in between' kind of way, but the 'Holy crap, it's already noon? I just sat down!' kind of way.

Here's a brief rundown of things I've accomplished (not counting stopping to post this, but it struck me and I thought I would share): whipped up/printed/had signed a birthday card for a coworker, managed to sweet-talk the cafeteria into giving me a tray of lemon bars in leiu of a cake, sorted/opened/delivered department mail, got a whole folder of resident letters signed and delivered, got some other important papers signed and passed along, rescheduled 3 appointments, picked up & distributed paychecks for my department, balanced the corporate credit card account and had it signed off on for accounting, corrected final draft of monthly financial statement for the Board, updated & printed resident invites for event next week, and a few other little things.

Phew! Are you tired just reading that? I might consider slowing the pace a bit this afternoon, but do I really want to mess up the stride I've built so far?

Friday v.1.0

This has been an eventful morning already, and it's only 10 after 9. Eesh. By eventful, I mean there has been one frustrating/upsetting event and then some fun internet surfing. The following is an update on the Grabby Flower Lady:

"Okay. For all my moaning and whining, I am pretty patient and kind with
people at work. The lady I told you about earlier just came past and
said 'Oh, I was hoping you weren't here.'
'What? Why'
'Because I was going to steal one of your tulips. You moved them.'
'You can't have one. I told you that earlier. They were a gift for me.
Please leave them alone.'
'But you have so many. Just one?'
'No. Do not take one of my flowers. Would you like it if someone came
and stole a gift that was given to you?'"
.....
I understand that a lot of residents here don't get many visitors,
cards, phone calls, etc. I also understand that they can start to feel
pretty lonely and sad because of that. And while I do feel badly, and
try to chit chat with them whenever I can or help them out, this can
only go so far. I'm sorry you don't have any flowers in your room.
That doesn't mean you can just try to steal things from other people!
I don't know what else to do. Guess I'll have to move them again
because I'm afraid if I leave my desk she'll come by to take one, and
bring them home tonight. It's nice that one grabby person can ruin what
was very nice for everyone.

Old Lady

I work at a very large retirement community. The building my office is in also has resident apartments on the upper floors. I really like all of the residents that have been living here, since I get a little parade of them past my desk a few times a day. They are hilarious.

In the past month-ish, a new woman has moved in. She's nice enough, still gets lost trying to find her way around, but since this place is the size of a college it's understandable and not a problem. Yesterday I got a flower delivery from a friend for my birthday. I put the vase up on the edge of my desk so that all the old ladies (and one old man) could enjoy them as well. This morning the new lady stops to ask if she can have one. Usually I share anything I have with them since they are like my own small grandma army. But these are birthday flowers, so I said 'No, let's leave them here for everyone to enjoy.' She persisted, and said 'You won't miss one. Can't I have one?' Again I said no, and that I wanted to keep them ALL on my desk since they were a birthday present. She then tries to reach into the vase and take one out. Now I'm starting to get annoyed. (She is not mentally deficient in any way, so this was just her trying to take something she knew she couldn't have.) I tell her to stop and leave them alone. If she wants to look at them she can see them down here. You know what she says to that? 'Well, you aren't here all the time, are you.'

Now the flowers are on the little table that is behind my desk. People can still see them, but it isn't as nice. Grabby old lady.